STORIES
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3/9/2013
Today I started the 40 day love dare to change the type of husband I have become. I've been married to my best friend for 10 years. Our marriage has had it's up and downs, but there was never a disconnection like there has been this week. I have hurt my wife by my inability to talk finances, I'm unhappy at home, and I don't give her the amount of respect she deserves. Also, i'm not a very open communicator nor do I share feelings, except anger. I've been known to talk down to her and make her feel less as person. At times, I've been a great husband and father, just not here lately. Although we haven't discussed seperation or divorce, I know that I need to make a behavioral change for her. I truely believe that we want the same thing for our family and our relationship.
The first day was hard, because she wasn't here. She's spending the weekend away to clear her head. We haven't spent many nights apart during our marriage because we're friends and we do everything together, and we've never gone a day without talking, until today. Right now I'm laying in the living room in a tent with my two kids, and I miss her terribly. It's lonely without your companion. I wished she would call or text. I pray that I haven't lost her for good. She has been hurting for so long, I'm afraid that she's done. My prayer is for patience, guidance, understanding, and an open mind, heart, and soul. I love my wife...I love our marriage...I love my family...and through God, I'm going to win them back.
3/7/2013
I watched the movies Fireproof today for the first time all the way threw. I need advice and challenges from everyone on how to make my marriage work!
Heather
3/3/2013
I have been married 14 years. We have two children and a very unhealthy marriage. After about 5 years of marriage my husband started cheating and coming home all hours of the night. I have tried to hang in there all these years with hopes that things would get better and he would be that man that I fell in love with again. Unfortunately, it has only got worse over time. There has been many more women and now some nights he doesn't come home until the next evening. He says he is not cheating and what's wrong with him not coming home. I started the process for divorce and told him I am leaving him. He doesn't believe me because I have threatened to leave many times before. He doesn't want a divorce and thinks I am going to the extreme. For me I don't see why we even stay married because he is never home, we argue when we get around eachother, and we never to do anything together. I ask myself what is the purpose? My needs are not being met. It's like we are living as roommates and not husband and wife. Since it has been 14 years and our marriage hasn't changed I wonder if GOD is giving me signs that I need to move on and let go of this unhealthy marriage. People tell me to pray and hold on but I wonder what if GOD is showing me all these things because he wants me to move on. Trying the love dare will be my last attempt to save my marriage. If this doesn't work then I know it's time for a divorce.
roxanne
2/27/2013
I know my story isnt unique or some great story, but i do hope that it might help someone who reads it.
lets start at the begining. my life with christ started 5 years ago and i had this buring to serve him with all my heart, my wife and i were happy and could do anything through Jesus. we decided that it might be better for us to move out the small town and into the big city. well we were great in the begining , we had great jobs, beautiful house and we were just great.
Now lets fast forward 3 years. still had a great job, still had the beautiful house, but something was differant, i didnt have God. i was sinning left right and center, i was drinking every opertunity i had, i was doing drugs, sleeping with protitutes , lieing to my wife, i was basicly just going down, and every time my wife would plead for me to stop that would add more fuel to me to continue.
well i got a wake up call, my wife decided enough was enough and packed the kids and moved out, i was now alone, for the first 2 weeks i just partied it up, i didnt care, i blamed her for everything, then one morning i woke up all battered and bruisd, major hang over, and an empty house. i found the love dare in the book shelf where i had left it after i bought it a few years before, and started reading it. and in an instant, i cried, i realized what a fool i was. i remember walking outside in the rain and dropping to my knees and just cried, i had lost everything good to me and now i had nothing. i gave my life back to christ that day.
so i continued to do the dare and i completed it, and although things arnt 100% between my wife and i, it is better, we talking, we living in the same house, but most of all, my relationship with God is improving everyday. I am walking with christ and everyday im learing to love more and i have faith that GODs will , will be his way.
So to those who have tried the dare and think you failed because your partner still left, remember that GOD is still there, and that your relationship with him is the most important thing in this world. and to those thinking about doing the dare.. Do it, you have nothing to lose, you can never lose if God is on your side, even though it doesnt always seem that way, but you will always win some way that God will bless you if you stay with him.
And as for me? i still do the dare, every day.. i will still love my wife no matter what happens, and i will always love our Lord God.
god bless to all out there , and remember a marriage is always worth the fight, LOVE,LOVE,LOVE and you will never lose.
brendan
2/25/2013
Hello, my name is Timothy. I have attempted the Love Dare once in my life and had called it quits I think about less than two weeks into it. I am divorced, and I haven't even reached the age of 24 yet. I know my X and I got married under wrong pretences and I blame myself. That is a little about my more distant past now onto the reason I am typing this message. I am in a serious relationship with somebody I love wholeheartedly and would do anything for. And in the time we have dated we have gained strong feeling for one another but I feel her slowly fading away and it is killing me.
She let's me know that it has to do with all the issues I have caused in the past when it came to my anger and attitude. Part of me doesn't like to hear what she has to say because it hurts. Also that part feels like I shouldn't have to change, and yes that is me being selfish. But the part of me that isn't letting pride get into the way wants to do whatever it takes to change those negative things about me because I ask myself "Why risk the best thing that has ever happened to me over pride?" I know it is crazy right so I know I need to change the negative things about me.
I have decided to start the love dare today in hopes that not only will she see a change, but will I. SHe has not only mentioned my attitude but has asked me questions about God and what not. She has been wanting me to go to church with her but fear and neglect prevented me from going. Yes I have wanted to go with her but I honestly don't know why I chose not to. The only answers I can give are excuses and there shouldn't be excuses when it comes to God.
Hopefully this dare takes us back in the right direction because I refuse to lose her of my idiocracy. God please watch over Tasha and myself as I take this new path to getting back on track.
Timothy
2/23/2013
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years in a couple months. I love him with all my heart, but the last year we have fought more than we have gotten along. Recently, we completely split up and didn't even spend valentine's day together. I felt and still feel awful about missing valentines day with him. I am desperate. I will do whatever it takes to make it work. You see, until recently, I thought it was all him. And now I'm not so sure. I was made aware that the things I have been saying and doing have pushed him away. So in thinking about the things he said, I think he's right. But, I really don't know how love or true meaningful relationships should work, because it's my first one and I'm in my 30's. I was always very closed off and cold-hearted. But this one broke down every wall I spend y whole life building up. And now, it's my turn to fight for him and us. We were once amazing together, and I have so much faith that we can and will be again. I am so excited to get my love dare and start learning what true love really is.
1/27/2013
My husband and I have been married for almost 32 years. We have a grown daughter married to a wonderful man and they gave us a beautiful granddaughter. You would think our life is close to perfect. But it's not. You see, my husband is a habitual liar, a drug addict and has cheated on me several times. His personality has gone from bad to worse over the years. I have been cussed at and been called every filthy name in the book. I bet a lot of you are asking why I stay. Don't get me wrong I threatened to kick him out so many times I can't even count. But when I do I feel guilty because I know if he doesn't have me he will end up in jail and fired from his job or even worse, dead. So I keep him here out of guilt. And out of love. I still feel like that maybe, just maybe one of these days God will hear my prayers and bring him back to the man he once was. I know he can be a godly man. I know he can be a f
Good husband. I know he can. The problem is...I don't know how much longer I can live with the hurt and the pain and disappointment and humiliation of being his wife.
1/21/2013
Decisions. Throughout our lives we are told that we will have to make tough decisions one day. I've heard it a million times, but never did I truly understand the importance. You make small ones everyday: deciding to hit snooze 3 times instead of once, deciding what shoes to wear, deciding to use stevia instead of sugar. NONE of these really matter though. I thought deciding to get married was one of those big decisions. And it is, but not like the ones we are told as children.....not a tough one. Deciding to get married was easy. We were in love. We made promises to always be there for eachother, and said it wouldn't matter if we were rich or poor as long as we had each other. But like I said that was the easy part. Then came the difficulties learning to live with someone of the opposite sex....and compromising the way we did things to make room for this person we now shared life with. But even that seems easy to me now.
Sometimes its hard to see how the decisions we think we are making only for ourselves affect our other half as well. Some good, some bad. And after years of always making decisions on our own, whether we think we are doing it for the good of both of us or not, add up. Eventually, you wake up one morning and realize you are living two separate lives. Simply sharing the same roof and nothing more of your lives or yourselves. And then eventually that goes away too and you end up under separate roofs.
You think you made THIS decision because you were at your wits end. There was no other solution because you've tried everything else, right? You supported him (until it got too hard), and you took in his parents when they had a hard time (until it got too hard), and you tried to change him to be the man you think he should be (until it got too hard). Then you DECIDED to tell him to leave (because it got too hard).
So who broke the vows we made to each other? Was it him? For not being responsible or not acting like a grown up or not respecting you or not providing for you. Or was it me? For not being supportive, or not being kind, or not respecting him, or not loving him "through good and bad, rich or poor." Am I just as much to blame as he is? I wasn't the one spending the money at bars, or coming home early the next morning, or not making me feel wanted anymore as a husband should. But I AM the one who DECIDED to react with anger and hurtful words just to get back at him for hurting me and to protect myself by showing him that I am independent and don't need him. I used to say to him all the time: I don't need you, I want you in my life. Somehow I thought that would assert my independence while being comforting to him. Am I stupid? Why would anyone, especially a man who already feels emasculated by a wife financially supporting the entire family while he struggles to get and keep a job, want to hear that they are not needed? How could I not see this before?
So at first it hurts.....a lot. You cry yourself to sleep, or drink yourself to sleep to keep from crying to sleep. You turn to friends and family and get advice from everyone....some helpfull and some negative. Some will say stay in it. Keep trying. Others say get rid of him and move on to someone ready to commit and provide. But you don't turn to the one you should. God. But you don't want to be one of those weird Jesus freaks who talk in Bible words all the time and are not in touch with the REAL world.
Until you decide that you don't want to hurt anymore, but you don't know what else to do. So you DECIDE to focus on yourself and do things to make you happy again. Confident again. SKINNY again.
It started working (sort of). I started losing weight, walking the dogs, exercising, focusing on work and friendships that I had let slip by. And slowly I begin to find the Crystal I lost to worry, fear, anger, and hurt. But something is still missing. So I decide to walk to the church near "our" new house and try it out. I'm not going to lie the sermon was on vocations that week and it didn't really do anything for me. But the music...it did. I sat in back and sang the hymns I used to sing in choir. I thought of what Dr. Wicke always said: When you sing, you pray twice."
It felt good. So I DECIDED to go every weekend.
I felt happy again, but still something missing.....Mike.
While I was DECIDING to put all this effort over the last month and a half into myself, I hadn't done anything towards our marriage. But neither has he! How can I just put myself out there if I don't know whether or not he still even loves me. We go on weekly "dates" for dinner or ice cream and its nice...no fighting anymore. But it's like we are ignoring this giant pink elephant in the room the whole time, then we go home to our separate houses. Me alone to my dogs. Him to his "frat boy" house with two of his single friends.
How is this helping our marriage? Okay yes we needed some time to get past the initial anger and bitterness. But now what, how long does this limbo last before we eventually grow so far apart that there is no coming back?
So I reflect on what I've learned during this separation:
love is necessary: love for each other And love for ourselves.
feeling needed is necessary not just feeling wanted.
growing is necessary: a relationship where neither party is continually growing as people cannot flourish...it becomes stagnant and eventually dies.
Then my cousin told me to watch this movie fireproof. Which I was only open to because it had Kirk Cameron and because about two years ago I bought the love dare book on the suggestion of another friend. At the time though I only got to day 11 before quitting because I wasn't getting any results.
I watched the movie just now.......cried of course....and then texted Mike a simple "I love you."
Because tonight, just now, I DECIDED not to listen to everyone else's advice on how to "play this game" or how to stand my ground. I DECIDED that I married him for a reason and he still has that man I married somewhere in there under all the hurt, anger, and bitterness that for so long I thought was only mine to feel. I DECIDED to love him again, to put effort into our marriage again, to forgive and forget the past and simply move forward and be happy....TOGETHER.
He just texted back: "I love you too."
That means there is something left to save and I DECIDE to save it.
1/20/2013
i watched the movie fire prooof my mariage today, it really blew me. in today's world where people think there is no marriage and marriages are not working i tell you watching this movie will re kindle your love and please God is love first start by Him and you will see the love for your mate increasing and becoming unconditional.wishing all people well in their marriages and remember thats a covenant
1/16/2013
I have watched fireproof before when my marriage seemed like it was going great. Well today I watched it again and realized we need help. I have been married to my husband almost 3 years and together almost 5. Throughout our marriage it seems that we have had the worst before the better. I have always looked at him as to blame why things in this marriage have gone wrong but I was wrong. In the last few years we have lost a child, my mother and almost me to cancer and two horrible car wrecks. My husband tried to be there for my emotionally but I just pushed him away. My husband has three different times been caught for having cyber affairs with other women. In his eyes he doesnt seem to think that he is commiting adultery. When a man lust over another women other than his wife he is commiting adultery. I have never cheated on him or wouldnt think about disrespecting him in that type of way. I suggested marriage counseling but that was shot down. I have trust issues with my husband now and they are hard to put aside. About 6 months ago he got a job out of state and the trust issues really came to the surface. Every chance I got i was asking about the computer or other women. Not wanting to realize he was there working 70 hours a week that he wouldnt have time for this but the devil was telling a whole different story. Before he left to this job I had found out that I was 2 months pregnant. Now I am 8 months pregnant and early last month he said he was done. I was devasted. Since then I have worried about what is to come because he has not mentioned anything else about divore. The devil continues to tell me I will be served with papers after our daughter comes. I feel that he has lost any respect for me because since last month he posts pages on his facebook like "babes over 18", "Naughty but classy." They really hurt my feeling but I try not to say anything because I dont want to fight. He has never done this before and i feel like he doesnt care anymore. On top of that he has a female friend that is single and I feel has caused a lot of problem recentely in our marrige. He came home for christmas and betrayed me not once but twice by lying to me and telling me he was going to run errands and was actually going to see her. I again avoided that convertations as well. I am so scared of what is to come and dont want a divorce from the man I love beyond words can say. The girl that is his friend sent me a message today that I needed to try and do the 40 day challenge. At first i was angry that she even suggested this to me, but after thinking about it I realized this wasnt going to affect her if I didnt try but just me!!! The challenge is going to be hard because we are 13 hours away from each other but I am open to give it a shot. I trust in the Lord and know he knows what best. I just want to thank the Lord before I begin this challenge tommorow.
Amy
1/16/2013
My Husband and I have been married for almost four years. I marriage was good for the first year and a half but after that things started taking a turn. We fight yell get mad and hurt each other emotionally. He has two kids that he has custody of one boy and one girl. His son is the eldest and we get along just fine but his daughter and I clash and that causes stress between the whole family. I am the one that really wants a divorce. I am tired of the fighting and arguing. I feel that I get no love, understanding, or validation. I cook, clean and do what needs to get done with no appreciation from my husband. I have been going to church for a little over 2 years thinking that god is the reason my marriage is failing, meaning that because he is not in my life that is why we fight all the time. So I go to church get involve and do what I think god wants me to do. Things just get worst. My family started teasing me and saying I was a bible thumper and I have changed and I care more about church then the house. I must say that to a degree they were right. But I felt that they did not understand why I was doing this. So with the fighting and things getting worst I really wanted a divorce. Understand that I don’t REALLY want a divorce I just want to be in a relationship where there is Love. So I saw the movie Fireproof a few months ago when we bought the movies and I thought that it was something I was willing to try but I would really like to do this with my husband. (He is the one that needs this most.) So I left it at that. Well this past weekend I was hurt really bad, my husband and I had been fighting again and for some reason this fight felt different I guess you could say I opened my eyes and saw that are fighting was not healthy all the yelling, swearing, blaming, everything about it was wrong. I really was ready to go get the papers and sign for a divorce. I left the house and for the rest of the weekend I cried over everything and mind you I don’t cry that easy. I talk to friend I prayed and spent time alone. And in that time I finally realized I am not going to get a divorce. I am going to fix me. Not my husband, not my step kids, No one else but me. I remembered the Movie and decided I am going to take the dare. I knew this was not going to be easy and that there is going to be times I want to give up but one thing is for sure divorce is not an option. I am going to do whatever it takes to change. So here I am on day 3 and I can already kind of see a change in myself. I guess it is self-awareness. I realize I easily get offended, I hold a grudge and I blame and make excuses. I am really curious what else I am going to learn as the time goes on.
1/14/2013
I Am a wife that has been married for 6 years,we have a ten and half year old daughter at home with us. I have hid reading this book for 32 days,My husband now knows i read it. He was surprised i was reading the love/dare book. He did watch the fireproof movie with me so he was aware of the exsistence of the book. He said that he could totally tell a difference in me 30 days ago,he has counted down the days til i finish the book,so that he could begin to read the book himself. He said the last 30 days have been wonderful. Before starting this book we both were thinking of a divorce,thank Jesus for this book and for his help.
Angelique
1/12/2013
I have been married to my best friend for over 2 years now and the married life has been AWESOME! He is my rock. He is the best father, husband, and friend I have ever met and I am truly blessed to have him. I have been experiencing some anger issues that are not allowing me to continue to grow in our Christ centered marriage, and I am determined to beat it. The Lord has lead me here, & I was baffled when I read the first dare. It started with my life verse. I know this is going to change my life in ways I have been praying about for years. This dare is going to teach me how to control anger and put it away. I am so excited to continue my journey. I know I will not be the tyoical 40 dayer. I am going to take my time with each dare to ensure I have gotten everything out of it I was meant to. I am going to learn patience and make it my number one thing until I have mastered it. I will then move on to the next dare. I am very excited and so very thankful to be starting this journey.
1/11/2013
I want to get a divorce from my husband due to his past betrayals. A year ago, he cheated on me and I decided I was going to leave him. He then asked me to come home and made many promises to change. Well, I don't believe that he has cheated on me again but he has been continuing to speak with the girl and even has her saved in his phone under a code name. He tells me I can't tell him he can't be friends with her eventhough he made a promise to me to have nothing further to do with her. I have decided that I have had enough and want a divorce. I don't see any way around his lies and cheating.
I decided to give this a try, although he is the one who has hurt me. I am trying this 40-day dare and maybe it will help us find some kind of common ground. If not, hopefully it will help me to forgive him and to move on so that I may find a healthy marriage.
1/10/2013
1-10-13
My husband and I have been married 15 years and together 18 years. John was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first everything. We have two sweet and wonderful kids! I'm not sure what went wrong in our marriage. We both strayed and had affairs. I never in my life thought I would have an affair. I'm here to tell you the devil is sneaky! I could give you all kinds of excuses...I was hurt by his affair, I was lonely, but my friends I was away from God! You see while all this happened John and I lost our Mom's 4 months apart. Mine won her battle with Ovarian cancer and his Mom won her battle with breast cancer. Instead of coming together we both fell apart. Instead of clinging to God our faith slipped. This all started in 2004 when I first found out about his. My affair started in 2010. I just recently ended this affair after John found out about it for the 3rd time. My husband has forgiven me and wants to make our marriage work. He has given me 60 days...this is to see if he is in love with me. I started the Love Dare to show him how much I love him. When faced with the reality that I may lose him I am despirate. I could easily be with the other man but I don't love him. I was living in the moment of excitement. The Love Dare is working, I am feeling so much closer to my heavenly Father! John and I are getting closer! I am praying we will be together for the rest of our lives! If you doing the Love Dare keep at it! There are days I think "I already do this for him!" We have to be creative! Keep praying and keep hoping! Thats what I am doing!
"Love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8
1/2/2013
Where to begin......
I'm 19 && my partner is 20. We are not married but we have been together for over a yr now. We have a 4 month old son together. Throughout my pregnancy his mother lost her girls && that hit him hard. He took it out on me. He got on datin sites 3 times durin my pregnancy. He has been workin hard on gettin better for me. On the otherhand, I have gotten worse. I just watched Fireproof for the 2nd time, each time I but this time something was different. I have been wantin to try the love dare, not just me though, I wantwantwant us to do it as a couple because we are both very ungrateful, disrespectful, && our fire is dwendlin out. We love each other && we want to get married but we know we need to fix our problems before that is ever an option. Lookin here && seein the success stories has made me even more determined to try it.
amber
12/30/2012
My wife and i have been married now for a year and a half. 4 1/2 months into it we were on the brink of divorce. Before marriage we were together for 4 yrs and we were shaky before but once marriage happened it took a toll for the worse. We had watched fireproof together before we got married, we said good movie and went on. I felt just like Caeb disrespected, unappreciated, unadmired. When divorce was mentioned I was fine with it because the world told me i was right " she doesn't deserve a man like you". I paid all the bils, cleaned, cooked, supported her. January 2nd of this year I gave my life back to God fully, and boy was I wrong.God brought me to my knees and I was weeping for 2 days straight. I remembered fireproof and watched it consecutively for a week and started the love dare.. It was just like the movie. My wife started to talk to other men, party, started drinking, staying out til 5 in the am sometimes not coming home at all, but I stayed doing what I was suppose to do...what God was telling me to do.. This went on til the first part of Oct..she's doing lot better now, she still haven't turned all the way around.... But I haven't stopped doing the love dare and God has done amazing things in my life, my wife's life, and our marriage. Our marriage is not where I would want it be but God has heard my cry and acting on it just not in my time...the love dare is a great instrument for changing you spiritually and your marriage. Please understand that you should not do this in hopes of just changing your spouse or for just changing your marriage.. Remember the real message.. Caleb gave his heart to God fully and God changed him thru that he was able to change his marriage. I'm a testament to that and my marriage is still changing... Stay close to God and don't get discouraged it could take 10 days, 2 months, 1 year or longer just stay in Gods grace and do what you're suppose to do. God will take care of your spouse just like he did with Catherine.
12/28/2012
I am not married, but i love this man we have been together off and on 10 yrs and have a 2yr old son together. ive said so many hurtful things over actions he has done. his mom had us watch this movie a few years ago..back then i didnt understand it. but now after just recently watching it again. im in hopes that with this maybe we can fix what has happen. i love him and my son more than anything else on earth. and want only one thing in life and that is to have our family work. and hopefully ONE day we can be married and grow stronger together .. if the dare has helped any of you then that gives me hope iit can work for us. good luck to all of you i hope and pray it all works out best for everyone.
12/28/2012
My husband and I are high school sweethearts. We were together for 8 years before getting married, he was 24, I was 23. Two days after our wedding, we moved across country with my youngest brother so he could have family support while going to collage. Neither one of us lived on our own, so this was 100% new to us. We survived, but our marriage struggled right away. Adultery found it's way in to our home before our 1 year anniversary. We had our first child far away from home and I became pregnant with our second. Financial struggle forced me home and away from my husband and he struggled with my brother. Eventually they parted ways. But shortly after arriving home, my husband told me he didn't love me any more, didn't want to come home and he would see the children on holidays when he could afford a flight. He even already had a "girlfriend". Oh the praying I did. Eventually I surrendered to God and trusted in his plan for my life. Through this, I developed a real relationship with Jesus. After a few months, just weeks before my second son was born, I contacted my husband about some things I needed him to ship to me. He was broken. He wanted to come home, he wanted to be with me. Months later, and after many, many phone calls, he was able to come home. We didn't live together right away but he visited often. After a few months more, we were together again, prayed over our wedding rings before putting them back on and have built our marriage around Jesus. Three years (six total married) have gone by since we dedicated our marriage to Jesus. I am going to do the Love Dare because my husband bought me the book not knowing anything about it... and one can always use improvement, even in the best of relationships.
Crystal
12/27/2012
Hi well I heard about this movie at a marriage workshop .. MY husband and I been married for 7 years we have 3 beautiful kids .. Our problems started months after we got married it seem like my husband wanted to be like his cousin and father even though their married they got tons of woman .. He would talk to girls from his past even go online and meet new girls and always tell me that he don't know y he do what he do .. I would sit there and see him talking to other females calling them all kinds of name that he doesn't even call me but I never gave up on him I would cry and pray when I'm alone for things to get better i never showed him a bad face or do anything to hurt him .. Then Christmas 2011 this movie was showing and I was looking at it and he was there ... He looked at it also at the end of the movie he said honey It's time for me to change I've been mean n unfaithful to u n I'm sorry .. I smiled I said I forgive u n I said god is good .. Ever since then things have been better way better
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