STORIES
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7/18/2009
I've been married to the same man for 8 years. It must be by God's grace that our marriage has lasted this long, and to be honest- the main reason I stuck by him was because I didn't feel I had any other alternative as we have 3 kids together. In Spring of this year, I came so close to leaving him. no matter what it costed me. But, I also knew what it would cost the kids. I have never felt so discouraged and confused. I had come to a fork in a road spiritually and have had to decide which road to take. Through prayer, Heavenly Father has soften my husband's heart and last night we sat and watched Fire Proof together. I am not sure what is going to happen. I am going to order the 40 Day challenge . I can only have faith that Heavenly Father will continue to take part of healing our marriage and fire proof our marriage.
7/16/2009
My husband and I will be married 5 years in september. he is the love of my life. We both have been through so much, he's been deployed to iraq 3 times, it changed him. This last time he was deployed i was raped. I never told anybody. I didn't want him to feel guilty because he wasn't here, i changed after that. i became a hard person, not letting anybody in. he has shut me out of his heart completly. I have been doing the love dare for 21 days now. My candle light dinner didn't go so well. he told me it was too late. But thanks to my friends we talke a little, and he agreed in staying and trying to give it a chance, he wants his freedom to do whatever he wants to do. I don't mind him having friends and him spending time with them, I just want him to spend some time with me and the kids too. He is numb, doesn't feel anything anymore, he was diagnosed with PTSD. Hopefully the medication he is trying to get will help him. He is confused and suspicious because I have completly changed in the last 3 weeks. I have been praying and reading my bible, and it has changed me from the inside out. he doesn't believe it is going to last, and I understand why. All I want him to do is give us a chance, I want to finish the book, I need to finish the book. I know he still loves me and cares about me or else he wouldn't live in our house anymore. I'm praying for him to open his heart and break down walls so we can start over and have a stronger marriage then we ever had before. Please everybody pray for us
Silke
7/11/2009
Well, it appears that I'm not alone. The stories below are so like my own.
My husband and I were Christian high school sweethearts. We've been together 16 years through all sorts of trials, but the failure of a business we started drove us apart the last few years. Resentment and mistakes on both sides, and I made him feel like a "loser". He's right...I did do that.
Three weeks ago yesterday, I overheard him talking to a woman on his cell phone. He lied, saying that it was a man, but I followed through and found who she was. A few weeks of fighting later, and I know so much now. Things I wish werent true.
They'd met online through a game. He was hurting and lonely, her husband has been cheating on her. And they spent a couple of months together on the phone and internet. I confronted them both and told her she had no business talking to my husband or being in our lives. She has her own problems to tend to, rather than adding new ones to me.
He says she was just his "best friend" but she says she has deep and inappropriate feelings for him, though claims that it was never discussed. The small things, the little love gestures and flirts that he refuses to see as more than her being a nice person rip me apart. I want to do this, to make things better than they were and work through both of our mistakes here...but I dont know that I have the strength for it. How can a human heart survive this?
My heart is broken. I dont hate him. I know my part in this and know him. He's not someone who chases women. In fact, I completely understand how he felt and how it came to this. I'd been feeling like we were all but divorced, too. Still, I've had so much rage from the betrayal and hurt him in this aftermath. He's stayed at my side, forgiving me and assuring me that he made such a horrible mistake...even as the other woman persists to try to contact him.
Now, we're working on repairing the problem. We're still together and have moments where it's like we're dating again. Its just so hard for me to get past the pain, to focus on our relationship...not theirs. We're watching Fireproof together today, and I'll be getting the book, too. Pray for us, and every on the list here, please. We all need the strength to see this through, the courage to open our hearts again, and the ability to keep moving forward.
Thank you so very, very much for putting some hope out there for all of us who are in the midst of our own infernos and can feel the flames licking at our skin!
7/10/2009
For several months I have suspected that my husband has been having an affair. I believe that it may be emotional right now, which to me is just as hurtful. There are times though, when he hasn't come home. I've caught him texting the other woman. He's hid the cell phone under a blanket, slept with it in his pocket. I've checked his cell phone and she's the last person that he calls before he comes home. He's sent her a text saying, "love you". When I confronted him, he said that she's just a friend.
I have called the other woman. She says that she would never do "that" to another woman, because she is going through the same thing herself. She says that my husband was a customer and she's a waitress. She told him her story and he said that he could help find her a place to stay. When I asked about the text that said, "love you", from my husband to her, she told me that she didn't respond. This happened two days ago. Today, I text her and asked that if she really knows what I'm going throught to please break all ties with my husband. I also e-mailed my husband and asked him to do the same thing. I haven't heard from either one of them.
I have begged him to let me know what I can do. I have said very hurtful things to him in response to my anger. I didn't mean to hurt him. I feel like at the point that I said them, I had already lost him. I have asked him to go to counseling, he refuses.
Together we have a 4 year old son, and my 10 year old daughter (from a previous marriage). He has a 21 year old son from a previous marriage, with whom he has very little contact. I cannot bear putting my daughter through another divorce. Our son adores his dad. I feel like I'm the one left dealing with all of the fall- out of his "fling". I'm left answering the questions from my son, about when is daddy coming home. My son ask to wait and eat his dinner when Daddy comes home. He want to wait to take his shower with Daddy. At bedtime he cries because Daddy said that he'd be here this evening, and isn't home and didn't give him a hug and kiss. He ask to call his dad normally several times during the day. Only part of the time does he answer. When my son first started asking to call my husband, my husband told me to quit using our son as a "pawn".
We share custody of my daughter with my ex-husband. My daughter is with us 4 days a week. She'll make coments that she hasn't seen her step-dad all week. Coments like he must be working late.
I don't think that it's fair that I've been left to lie to our children. It breaks my heart to know that they notice he's not around. It breaks my heart and angers me every time I have to come up with an excuse for him.
He's says that he is trying, yet every night he comes home later and more drunk. The calls and text continue and I question where he is at the unacounted for hours.
I'm on medication now for depression and I've been prescribed something to help me sleep. This is the fifth day of medication. Hopefully it will kick in soon. I have to be able to care for our kids. My muscles ache from having the sensation of shivering all the time. It's not fair that the kids and I are the ones suffering.
My Mom and her friends and I are praying hard for a miracle. I've also contacted my old pastor who refered me to the movie "Fire proof" and the book 40 days. I found this website through google and I'm actively trying to fix things on my part. I'm trying every possible. Please pray for me if you're reading this. God, Please hear my prayers!
My husband is angry with me for snooping in his phone. I just don't think that's appropriate for a married man to be calling and texting a single woman, several times daily. I wish she would just go away if all she is , is a"waitress". How can he work on our marriage if she's always on his mind.
I'm just at wits end and I don't know how to deal anymore.
7/10/2009
Two days ago, my husband told me that he was filing for divorce. I haven't been able to eat, sleep, or work since then. His only reason is that he is tired of the ways I have previously disrespected him or reacted to situations out of my flesh. I made an appointment for us to speak with our Pastor but my husband stated that he had more important things to take care of. So, through my praying and crying, I've decided that tomorrow I will start the 40-day love dare. I told my husband that with God on my side, I have the majority. If God can raise Lazarus from the dead, I know He can bring my marriage back to life. Even though 'man' sees my marriage ending, I see the end result that's going to work in my favor for God's glory. I'm claiming victory NOW! I rebuke the devil from my marriage in the name of Jesus. I look forward to sharing my testimony with you all after my 40 days are over.
Angel
7/9/2009
Day 3 of my Love Dare, Still very confused why this has happened but it has. She will kiss me now, and has for 3 days to do so in the mornings and at night. I am giving her, her space and so call girl time. After giving her no emotion for years, I flooded her with love.
One thing guys, don't over do it, it is as bad as not giving her any emotion. It confuses them even more than she is. Take it slow and talk, "Communicate" I hope to take baby steps and hope she will begin to love me again. I have read a lot of the other stories and I feel for you, I know what you are going throw, and the pain you feel, you are not alone and I pray it works out for you.!! I am not a church going guy, but something clicks when I read the love dare. Maybe I'm finding faith I don't know. My fear is when this is all over she will not take me back. I hope to keep updating and hope my story gives others hope. As I hope and pray for myself.
Bombshell
7/9/2009
I have been married for almost 7 years and we have three daughters (from my previous marriage). Recently my husband and I have somehow drifted apart. We argue and fight about anything, everything, and nothing. Actually most of our disagreements I say very little until I cannot take it anymore. What makes matter worse is I feel as if my husband has been cheating on me. There have been several instances where he has lied about his whereabouts, or who he was with, and what he was doing. He has locked his cell phone and at certain times when it rings he darts into another room to talk. I have read several text messages that a married man has no business sending or receiving from a "friend". I have even heard this "woman" asking my husband questions that are none of her concern unless she is sleeping with him. I have asked him without accusing if he is or has been cheating and that has turned into a knock out drag out fight. But a woman knows and I know. His touch is different, they way he looks at me is different, his actions and words toward me have been different. It has gotten to the point when I look at him I see a stranger. I know we all change but I do not see the man I love or married at all when I look at him. Even though he has tried to reassure me that nothing could be further from the truth he has not made one attempt to show me any different. He is not abusive toward me in the physical sense but some of his words have hurt more than I believe any strike at me ever could. He has stated more times then I care to mention that he should leave and in my heart I feel that in a way he has. I have told him that you do not have to physically leave the marriage to leave. Mentally, emotionally, spritiually, and yes in some ways physically he has left. I have stated to him just because you still reside in the same house as me does not mean that your heart dwells there. He comes home from work takes a shower then leaves, comes home long enough to sleep a couple hours gets up and does it all over again six days a week. I've told him to go if he wants to continue to act like a single man. . Yes, there has been nights when he had not come home at all. When I ask him about where he was I get a lie if I even get an answer. The only time I feel he understands what I mean is when I treaten to do to him what he does to me. Let me stay out all hours of the night and come home when ever I feel like it, if at all. I tried that once so he could see how it feels and I have never seen him so upset. What the @#$%* could you be doing in the streets that late besides being with another man. I just looked at him and said so what about you. That didn't change a thing he just makes it a point to be home just before the sun comes up. I have been praying to GOD about this and asked him to let his will be done.
I picked up the book LOVE DARE about five days ago. Went to my husband and asked if he would do this with me for the sake of our marriage. He heistated at first than agreed. Well I wanted to wait and started it the beginning of the week. When it was time to start our first day he backed down. I didn't bother stating my disappointment and I didn't bother asking him again.I made the decision that I cannot change him I can only change myself. I know that I have flaws that need improvement and I want to work on those for the sake of my marriage. He has brought all my negative characterics to light so he says so I am going to work on those and the others GOD shows me along the way. I have come to the conclusion that I am responsible for only me. I have made a commentment to GOD, my husband, our childern and myself to complete this 40 day journey even if it means I do it alone. That way at least I know I did all I could and I gave it all I had to pull my marriage back together. If it doesn't work out at least I can look myself in the mirror and sleep well at night knowing that I know I gave it my all. I am a strong believer that GOD will restore my marriage because in his eyes we are one and one is enough for him. I pray that my husband gets on board so we can enjoy this experience together!
MIZZ BUTTERFLY (Shana)
7/8/2009
I am very scared. My husband & I have been married for just under 11 years. On July 3, 2009, he said he did not want to be married anymore. He said he fell out of love and he has been struggling with this for 8 years now. He said he tried to tell me but I must have not listened as hard as I should have. I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I have some issues about myself I need to work on but I want to be with him and work through them together. Better or Worse, Sickness & Health, until Death due us apart. GOD will give me the strength to get me through this and make sure we are both safe. He is so wonderful and loving, it somewhat came as a shock to me. I am picking up the move Fireproof and a Love Dare book. I am hoping I pick out the right one for us. Please pray we will stay together and work through our issues together, as one.
Selina
7/7/2009
One month ago I got hit by a bomb shell my wife told me she was no longer in love with me, and she no longer loved herself. I was in shock. Why? We do not argue, fight, but we did not communicate. I know now that I was a fool! Last night we went to counceling, scared me to death. I know what she was going to say, and she did, but we communicated. We were told to get the movie firehouse. Man I could of played that roll! It was me, Well most, I see how I hurt my wife the one I dearly love. So I went out and get the Love Dare book and will live by it with all my heart. I do not know how this will end, I can only pray that she forgives me and herself.
7/5/2009
On Father's Day this year, actually just 2 weeks ago, my wife left me with our boys. She told me she was just going to Walmart and never came back. The very next day she served me with divorce papers and a restraining order to leave her and the boys alone. I have never been physically abusive towards my wife, however I have been verbally which is probably worse and I am totally ashamed of it because of the harshness of the conversation. Well I just found out that she moved in a new place and started a new job and I am floored, because of the extra difficulty this adds to getting her back. And where she went is an hour away. My boys do not want to be there and she legally has no grounds to keep them there, unless she got the restraining order on me. I know that this has been planned due to how quick everything happened. The reason I am writing is because I want my family back, I want my wife back. I love her more than anything and I know that I have a temper problem and I am actually in counseling for it now. I just feel like because her parents bought her a new condo and she has a place of employment there now that it is a done deal. That she is getting pressure from her parents to not come back. I am so ashamed of how I talked to her, especially because I love her more than anything in this world, I just never showed it. I pray constantly that the Lord will reunite us and that He softens her heart to understand that I have a problem and that I am fixing it. I know that the Lord has forgiven me, but I keep beating myself up about it because now I have lost my family due to my mouth. I bought the Love Dare book and I have been doing it myself because I cant see her or talk to her. I pray to the Lord that when I am reading it that she hears me and I cant do the dares, but I lift her up in prayer. I want more than anything to be back with my family and I know that God is working on me right now to fix problems in my life. I just am hurting so badly because of losing them and I am hoping the Lord will bring her back and forgive me for being a louzy husband.
7/4/2009
PATIENCE
Well, God has directed and led me to the 40 day Love/Dare. Today is my first day. I have so much emotion going through me right now. I am worried, scared, anxious, angry, hurt, etc. I pray that God will give me the strength and courage to complete this journey for myself and my marriage.
I watched the movie Fireproof last night and cried my eyes out. So much of that movie related to me and my marriage. I hope and pray that my wife will watch that movie. God will give me the timing of when that should happen. I need to trust in him for that.
I want to be a God's Man. I have been running long enough and my relationships have suffered for it. This is it for me. I turn 43 of this week and if I can't get it figured out with the help of God, my marriage will be over. I want to be the person that my wife and family look up to and respect. The only way I can do that is by doing this love/dare and learning to be a new man, a man that loves, is patient, kind, and forgiving.
When my wife left last week, she said she was done. I have put her through so much over the past 11 years. Fear comes over me like never before when thoughts come to mind that this will be a waste of time and she will not respond. She also has gone to her mothers which lives in another state. How long will she be there I don't know. Can this work with her so far away? I can't look at it that way. I have to let go and let God. I hear that statement all the time but don't really know how just yet. I think prayer and faith that God will take care of this situation, change me, and heal our marriage is a start. It gives me comfort just writing that.
My prayer today is that God will grant me Patience. Patience in looking to him for answers, not the reactions from my wife in this journey. That I will be slow to anger and quick to love. Patience to let God do the work. That I will cast down my worries and give them over to him. I have tried before to do it myself, controlling every move, and I have failed. Give me patience and strength today to let YOU rectify my situation and make me a new person that is a Godly husband and father. Help me to lead my heart in the direction given by you.
Steven
I Corinthians 13:1-3
Steven
7/3/2009
7/3/09
My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years. We have two little girls who are 6 and 2. I guess we started growing apart after our children were born - but the last few months have been awful. We fight about everything and even though we have told each other before that we want out - today he told me that he doesn't want to be with me anymore that we are not happy and want different things so it's better this way. I am devastated I guess I chose not to listen the previous times and now it seems so real that I don't know what to do. In my heart I know I love my husband and hope that he loves me too. I want to try the love dare and see if we can work things out not only for us but for our kids as well. I feel like if I don't try I'll be failing my kids and that would just break my heart.
Claudia
Claudia
6/29/2009
29 June 2009
Beyond Church the past four weeks, I don't recall the last time I got down on my knees and prayed. I did it in the bathroom this morning after I got ready for work.
I prayed for salvation. I prayed for my wife and my kids. I prayed for her uncle and her mother's husband, both of whom are ill.
What I have to learn and what I have to dedicate myself to doing is letting go and letting God. I have to have Faith. I feel so tense and anxious and unsure of this process that I am allowing myself to be consumed. My stomach is in knots and has been since Day 16, Thursday, 25 June 2009. Last night after she fell asleep, I was kneeling at the bowl, feeling like I was about to puke my guts out.
I want to ask her things. I want to know if she is buying what I am selling. In situations like this, she doesn't want questions and she doesn't want pressure. I am reasonably certain that she has huge doubts about me and whether or not I am sincere. Sometimes I feel as though, even if she said she didn't believe I would follow through on this, that at least I would know. I have no idea what she is thinking. I feel incredibly alone.
I want her to know how deeply I love her. But I don't feel as though she is in the right frame of mind to hear it. I tell her all the time that I love her and she responds that she loves me, but something is missing.
I have to continue to pray that God will change my heart and my way of thinking. I pray that God take this tension and anxiety from me and give me the strength to continue this process.
I must continue to remind myself that this process is not about rewards. It is not about receiving but giving. It is not about me. It is about her. It is about demonstrating to her that my actions and words are sincere. It is about chosing to love her because she deserves it. It is about expressing love even when those expressions are not returned.
Dear God, I pray that you grant me the courage to continue this process and have faith in You and it's object.
Peter
6/28/2009
I started doing the love dare on my boyfriend for about maybe two weeks now.The result is a man who feel so special and happy about how I treat him. There has been day(s) when I feel like He has not responding to me at all, but most of the time I feel very bless to give more than I received or just to show him the love of Christ through me.I believe love dare really work but one must God everyday to show them how to love their partner with agape love,which is the love of God. Dorcas. London Canada
Dorcas
6/25/2009
My husband and I have been married 1 month and were already talking about having a divorice. It is so different then dating. All he care's about is making money to save up for his boat and having fun without me. When I try to talk to him he makes me feel like garbage. After watching the movie FireProof I realise I just don't understand him. I'm buying a love dare book for him and me and am hoping with Gods help it will help us save our new marrage.
Sarah
6/25/2009
OK, I just ordered my book and can't wait for it to arrive. On Tuesday 6/30 my husband and I will have been married for 30 years and for nearly all of those years my husband has been extremely self-absorbed (his term, not mine) but because I'm pretty independent I was able to keep myself busy with our two children (now 26 and 23) and my career (writer-editor). I haven't felt satisfied with our marriage in a long, long time and have almost always felt that everyone and everything came before me. In order to get my husband to listen I would have what I've come to call my "melt-downs" where I fight and yell to get him to pay attention - not really very effective but he did atleast pretend to listen. For the last 18 months my husband has had a female "friend" who was his gym partner - I frequently expressed my unhappiness about this "relationship" but was told I was crazy and they were "just friends". Seven weeks ago I reached my breaking point and said that either we go to counseling or I was done. Thankfully my husband agreed and since then has told me that he was "falling in love" with his female gym partner but that they had broken it off at my request. I was feeling pretty good, after all, we were in counseling, he read the 5 Love Lanaguages book and agreed to end his relationship. Guess I shouldn't have been so confident because a week ago my husband told me he had called his female friend to "tie up some loose ends" and that he had kept it secret from me cuz he didn't want me to be upset - yeah right, not calling her would have been a guarantee that I wouldn't be upset - keeping secrets and sneaking around just wasn't going to cut it. Anyway, I'm having a major struggle with this man who thinks everything is wonderful and I'm miserable - if I express my needs I'm nagging, if I say my needs aren't being met I'm told I'm not expressing my needs and that he's not a mind reader... geez, can't win for losing. Last night I had another "melt-down" and because I had a friend who said this movie changed her life, I insisted that we watch it together. My husband agreed. His comments were that the movie was a good one and that maybe he's not capable of love ... maybe he's not and that's pretty scary but I'm willing to give this one last try - if after my 40 days he still can't love me then I'm out of here. Someone please pray for me - my prayers alone aren't working
6/21/2009
I am 43 yrs old woman married to a wonderful man - We will be married 25 years come this August 09, He just told me that he has not loved me for the last 3 years and that he is in love with a co-worker but she is married and nothing has happended and she no's nothing about his affection. I am totally heart broken. We have 2 daughters, 22 yrs and 15 yrs. old - and we are raising our Grandson who is 2.5 years old. It was recommended by friends to watch the video and we are totally opposite. We don't argue and I kinda took the approach of the 40 day love dare without even hearing of it. But What a wonderful tool. I ordered mine today. I am going to continue praying for us and I will be kind and never ever say hurtful words to him even so I am so devastated. I believe God has given me this challenge to become even more stronger as a woman to stand alone but also as a married couple. I pray that we can get past the hurt and get past his unloving feeling and have him to feel love again.
6/20/2009
My name is Cheryl. I've been married to the same man since 1993. It was 3 years before we had kids, and God moved or I'd still be barren. Then, instead on one, he gave us three. It's an outright miracle that our marriage has lasted this long, and to be honest- the main reason I stuck by him was because I didn't feel I had any other alternative. In Spring of this year, I came so close to leaving him. Not like the petty "shows" of before, but leaving no matter what it costed me. But, I also knew what it would cost the kids. We're in counselling, but he's not honest about what goes on, and blames me for almost everything. When the pastor sees through it, I'm grateful, but I also have to go home with him. Right now, no one knows how heavy my heart is but God. I wish to God I could be sure of anything. I don't have a love dare book yet, but I'm pricing one on ebay right now. Until then, I can just make stuff up. I don't know what good it will do, but when I face God someday, I'd like to prove to Him that I tried.
Cheryl
6/17/2009
I was with my boyfriend for 5 years before we got married. I was 18 and he was 19 when we got married. We had never had sex before we were or been with any one other then eachother. We were church going kids our entire lives. 7 months later we find out we're expecting our first, a little girl. A few months later, I was unaware there was a problem, but I caught him on a live porn chat, he was watching them and making requests. He was looking at other porn sites also. While I was asleep alone in our bed. I woke up and walked out and there it all was, I'd never felt so worthless in my life and 5 months pregnant. He promised to stop but I've caught him several more times. I threatened to leave him and he finally stopped or is trying to hide it better. I no longer trust him and I feel that because of the unrealistic views those women gave him, I can not be intamite with him anymore. He was the boy that lead me to the Lord and the Godly man that i married, but Satan got him and I'm praying that he makes the changes needed to save our marriage. I'm waiting for got to bring him back.
6/17/2009
I am a 45 year old women. My husband and I will be going on 8 years next month. We have 2 children together, a son 8, and a daughter 6. I brought 3 children into our marriage that he always accepted as his own. 3 daughters, 14,18, & 20.Our downfall began several years ago. We have immense finanacial difficulties and health issues as well. I've become increasingly depressed by these issues and knew that I was withdrawing from him over the last several years, intimately, too. When I discovered that he had been talking online and then through calls & text to someone, I was shocked. The affair had already begun in his heart, although he hadn't acted yet. This was only a few days ago that I figured this out. My hardened heart broke in a million pieces. I feel like half of my chest has been ripped out and I cannot eat or sleep.We both still love eachother, but the spark is dead. We are both counting on it coming back to life. We decided to put effort in to make our marriage. I feel so much distance right now and I don't trust him. I'm very scared.
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