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1/12/2012
I am new here to this site. My marriage is in trouble and I am looking for answers to be a better husband and have some understanding. Here is my story.
My wife and I met 6 years ago. We loved each other very much. A few months later we got pregnant with our first child. We got our own place and from nothing started our own family. Life was great I loved her and the idea of having a child with her. We had the baby and things where even better. We got married and I still consider it one of the happiest days of my life. A year went on and the economy crashed and money go tight and low and behold she got pregnant again. She had to quit her job to have the baby and we could afford to live in our house anymore so we had to move in with her mother. Going from your own house to someone else’s isn’t easy. She had our second child and from the moment he was born I knew something was right. We had to stay at the hospital for days because of issues that he had. We finally made it out but I still new something wasn’t right. Later we found out that our son had agenesis of the corpus collusom witch means the left and right side of his brain doesn’t have as many connecters has ours. He is also blind and is epileptic. We had to and still have to go to many doctors and he get therapy 3 times a week. I can’t tell you how it feels to learn this about your child. During the same time I got a new job working at a high school and also being paid for a real passion of mine which is football. I put a lot of my time into football as a sort of get away from the pain at home. I started to get angry at god and just angry in general. I started to shutdown and depression set in. I didn’t put much effort into my marriage and my wife started going out a lot and drinking I didn’t care because I wanted to be alone. We finally moved out of her mother’s house into a place of our own and I thought things would start to look up but I still didn’t care if she went out and I just wanted solitude. I focused hard on work and football and not enough on her and we started drifting apart. Then we started fighting more and more and we were like to roommates. I started hearing about a classmate of hers and she went to lunch with him twice and told me. She went to his house one night for a study group and didn’t answer her phone all night until she got in the car. She would answer her phone when she went out. She started not wearing her rings. She deleted messages between him and her. We had a sit down and she told me she never has cheated on me and promised she would never do something like that. She said she didn’t wear her rings because she was unhappy and she liked going out because it was a escape from her day which consisted of me working and her dealing with cleaning and getting or 2 kids where they needed to go. This was a wakeup call for me and every since then I have stepped up my game I have cut down my responsibilities at work so I can come home and help out more. I tell her I love her all the time and just compliment her every chance I get. I started writing loves letters to her everyday and I plan on doing it for 30 days. I have been focusing my time all on her. I have mad because she still goes out and a trust issue has come up because of my suspicious about her class mate and when I blow up she talks about separation or divorce. She says she isn’t happy and she doesn’t look at me the same way. After she told me this I sat down with her and asked her to put her rings on and work on this with me and she has but she avoids talking things. She has reached out and wanted to spend time with me but she sometimes says that I am smothering her. I reached out to the pastor that married us after feeling the lord tug at my heart. Before that I lost faith and was mad at him. I met with that pastor and I will each week. I feel so good and I like the idea of giving my life to god and including him in my life. My pastor would like to talk to my wife also but she says she doesn’t want to talk for fear of being judged. I went to church after my first meeting with him and she wanted to stay at home in bed but I went anyway. She want to seek counseling outside of the church because she say she is depressed and she doesn’t know who she is anymore and she always ask herself the what if questions. She says she loves me and couldn’t imagine herself without me and the last thing she wants to do is hurt me. I still have trust issue and she has caught me going threw her phone and listing to her conversations. I want my life back and I want us to be happy. I love her with all of my heart and soul and my hell would be losing her and my family. I am trying to not get frustrated with her but the Marine in me has lots of pride and a fast temper. I need guidance. I can’t sleep, eat or focus on anything besides this problem. I need help
David
1/11/2012
My wife and I have been married 9 years now, and 43 days ago my world ended, or so I thought. I found out that she was having an "emotional affair" which I believe is more than that, with an ex-pastor from a church we used to attend. She told me that she loved me but wasn't in love with me anymore. The lies have gone on for so long under my nose, and with my absolute trust in her that I don't know what to believe anymore. I have been counseling with the pastor at our church which we began going to after this broke, and through prayer and faith in God I am taking the Love Dare.
My wife tells me that I have become distant and never listen to her and appreciate her ideas. She tells me that this man does and that while she still loves him that she knows it is wrong and will fade over time. I think she has cut ties with him, but I am never sure. She eats sleeps and lives on that phone. Each time she is on it the Devil invades my heart and makes me doubt her. She tells me I am a good man, and that she loves me, and that we will be alright. I want to believe in her as I have everyday since we met, but my trust in her was absolute and is now shattered.
She tried to get me to watch Fireproof years ago, I am guessing when she says I started to be unhappy at home and shut her out. I fell asleep of course and never did watch the entire thing until the day before yesterday. By the book marker in the book she may have started the dare with me, but only made it to day 10.
I realized after watching the movie and many nights in prayer with God, that I love my wife still with everything that I am. She is a good person, and my best friend. I am a classic work - a - holic, and I know it. I, for my part did not realize I was so unhappy at home and hard to talk to and live with. But I know that patience has never been my gift. I am starting the Love Dare tomorrow, please pray for us. God has told me that I will have all the answers I seek in time, but that by the time I get them I will no longer care. I am trusting in Him, because all else I have trusted is gone.
Joe
1/9/2012
I love my husband, he is bi-polar/depressed he hasnt been on med's for years bc of the Christian school he went to would not allow him to, i think he is ok day to day, but his doctor said if he gets the depressed it could be bad...and when he's depressed that is when his bi-polar comes out and it is scary to say the least, but if he's on that they say the bi-polar wont come out as often, Anyways, my husband of a 1 year and 3 months asked for a divorce 3 weeks ago, and he is sticking to this, even though we have a 10 month old son, he has told people thee only reason he married me was because i was pregnant, and that cut like a knife, because i remembered when he proposed and the first thing that came out of his mouth, he put his hand on my tummy (i was 3 weeks) and he said "what im about to do is not bc of this" and he proposed to me on the 4th of july and shouted "i love this women" i sadly am in a different state now, my husband is in mississippi while i am in pennsylvania with our son, living with my parents, i am trying to get a job, save up money, get a car and move back down there as soon as possible. And it's been 3 weeks, i just started the love dare about a week ago, but have had to skip dares bc i can't do them (like the dinner, greet him with a kiss) and today i called him and apologized for disrespecting him this past year, and from now on will respect him with everything and all he was "oh, ok" Im really praying God touches his heart to miss me, I love him so much :(
1/6/2012
My husband and I are both christians, we both have a heart for GOD. I have to say that Our marriage is great!~ We have been married for 7 years now. There have been struggles, but we have always overcame. I feel like I am with my soulmate. Why am I doing the love dare? Bc I think there is a much deeper love than what I already have. When you seek GOd, and become closer to him, that is when you become closer to your spouse. I always want to do things for my husband to show him I care. So I am doing the challenge as a way to say I love you! To make sure I take time each day to let him know how I feel. That is so important. As I do this, it draws me closer to God as well. And that is something I long for everyday. To have a closer, deeper more personal relationship with my Father! We have 2 children in our home as well, and I want them to know how great marriage can be when God is in the center of it! Kingdom blessings on all those who have taken the challenge. To those having marital problems, I wish you the best of luck. Give your cares and concerns to GOd. he is always there to see you through.
Lisa
1/6/2012
My story is like so many others. My husband and I met 4 months ago and got married after 2 months. We had a beautiful wedding and we felt the love. Everyone said they could see and feel the love between us. After we got married, things changed. I felt my husband became selfish and inconsiderate of my feelings. He wanted to control everything and behave like he was single. He is 4 yrs younger than I am and educationally we are not on the same level. I feel at times he is irrational and immature. We disagree on what a marriage should be and his feelings have changed about having a family. This is not completely his fault. When he behaves in such a way that I find immature or irrational I get upset and do one of two things: I will ignore him the rest of the day to avoid saying something I will regret or I will blow up due to frustration. He does not deserve it and I feel I need to make the change in me to see better results with him.
I have not been patient, loving, or kind recently. However, this is it. He said one more fight and its over. So I have my work cut out for me. I will be relentless in my journey. I am going to stick in there for better OR for worse. My vows are sacred and I owe it not only to myself and my husband but to God. Today is day two. Yesterday I bit my tongue several times and showed nothing but compassion. Today I will continue to do the same and as my act of kindness I am going to clean out a room to set up my husbands drums that he has been wanting to play. Also I am hanging up all of his certificates above his desk to encourage him while he is in school. I will be the loving and supportive wife he deserves. If I continue to dislike his reactions to my actions, I will have to reevaluate my acitons till I get the response I like. I can change me and thats where I will start. Please pray for me. God Bless all of you men and women willing to do this love dare and give yourself completely to your spouse.
Jaime
1/2/2012
My husband and I had been together for a little over a year when we started fighting all the time and nothing made us happy. I was doing everything that I thought was right to save my marriage. I gave him everything that I could possibly think of that would make it work. After all this was my second marriage and I wanted to do everything I could to make it work this time. We decided that it was just best for the two of us if we divorced and walked away before we destroyed eachother.
Thats when a friend made us watch the movie FireProof. She said that it would work. I at first decided that nothing could possibly save what was already going down hill. We watched the movie and then she handed us the book. I looked at her and said "Nothing can fix whats already broken." My husband however decided to do the book. It was after about 3 weeks when I really started to notice a change in him. I thought that it was all for show and that he would just go back to who he was after he was finished. 3 months had gone by and he was still changing. He had removed everything from his life that was contaminating our marriage and promised to keep this change that he had made.
Thats when I knew that he was serious about making our marriage work. I decided to do the book as well. Since then we have changed our lives over to everything that deals with allowig God to show us where to go. Here we are today 21 days away from our 3 year anniversary and we are still going strong.
This book was amazing and everything else is as well that comes with it. Im so grateful that a friend decided to show us what can be done.
Shannon
12/30/2011
I am not married yet but I am ready. I have been with him for almost eight years and we have two amazing daughters together. I have done something in our relationship that i really wish i could take back but the only thing i can do is try to move past them.... I sometimes feel like there is no hope for us i love him with all my heart and soul but it just seems as if we are at a stand still...... So i am no wondering if this love dare will have an affect on out relationship....
Melliss
12/29/2011
My husband and I have been married for the past 3 yrs and have children together. We have had a rocky road from the beginning. It seems every time I turn around there was another issue in our marriage. Lies, betrayal, mistrust, financial issues, etc all piled up and I said I wanted a separation, a break. Not to lead to divorce, but hopefully we could spend sometime working on ourselves as we a still very young and then we could come back together and be, better (probably not the best decision). However, even though he resisted at first, a week into the separation he says he wants a divorce. And now 2 months in he tells me that he has been seeing his ex, who is supposed to be a woman of God. I'd like to see which scripture and biblical teaching she is operating under that allows carrying on with a married man. But regardless of how much this hurts I know that it is the devil who is attacking this marriage. I know God wants us to be together, so at my end, here I am. I will take the love dare, praying everyday for the restoration of my marriage.
Candace
12/26/2011
My husband and I have been married for 9 years. I love him so much it physically hurts me when he is not with me. but he has as ex addiction. And he can not commit to the marriage or the family or even a day of trying to be sober.
But tonight we watched fireproof together and after 4 months of separation and years of turmoil tonight I have more faith that we can get through this than I ever felt possible.
I am already so sure in the long run we will be ok, I want to start a Love dare group in our church, and share this wonderful challenge with all couples facing hard times.
Thank you Jesus for answering prayers. for wanting us to be together and for being the way the truth and the light.
Pamella
12/26/2011
I was engaged once before, but i lost him in a car accident, I never thought Id love like that again, until i met mike, we hit it off right away and things were great btwn us, but the last month or so, he seems like something is bothering him, he doesnt seem as happy with me, i love him so much but even though he says its not true, i feel like im losing him, i was lucky enough to find real love again, and ill do anything to make it work, but im not sure what i need to do, please give me ideas and/or advice, i really need it
Rachel
12/26/2011
Guys i didnt realize love was so powerful and so emotional for months i tried to get what i was missing relationship from other female friends. I was in so deep to which i started having a emotional affair and didnt know it. She caught me and i lied about it not knowing that it was that serious but once i caught myself trying to hide it i realized it was that serious... i dont lose my family i am starting the 40 love dare today in hopes it can revive our marriage be in prayer for me i going to give everything up female friends and my cell phone.
i will completely submit there is nothing God cant fix
Jamar
12/26/2011
My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years. We have a long history going back to when I was in high school. I have always loved him and I know he loves me. Recently, I was informed by a "friend" that she and my husband were having an affair. I have text messages and phone records but to this day he is denying it. I do not believe that this "fling" went as far as she claims it did. This has put an enormous strain on our marriage. We used to be so close that everyone around us wanted a marriage like ours. Along with this recent bump, my husband is a firechief and has several obligations to his department. Along with this, he also has several friends and I feel like myself and our marriage has been put on the backburner. I have tried to turn everything over to God and put it all in His hands. My husband however has different views on how we should live our lives according to how God tells us we should live. I have struggled with this over the holidays for the sake of our children. I would so love to do the 40 day love dare challenge but I have a fear on how he will react to it. I know that I have to put all faith in God and let Him handle it even though that is easier said than done.
Lisa
12/24/2011
After flipping through countless TV channels I found a movie called FireProof I watched it not knowing what it was about but I grew up seeing Kirt Kameron on tv . Watching it i seen myself and my relationship in so many ways. By the end I was crying and waiting for my husband to get home. He doesnt know that I have seen this movie yet but I have read about the Dare and now I am committed to doing the dare and falling even deeper in love with my husband. Wish me luck..
christy
12/24/2011
I LOVE HIM BUT HE SEEMS UNCERTAIN ABOUT THE FUTURE ALTHOUGH HE CLAIMS TO HAVE A CONCRETE PLAN BUT I AM NOT SURE.WE HAVE CHECKED MANY TIMES ON HOW THE FUTURE WILL LOOK LIKE BUT IT IS NOT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR ME WHAT SHOULD I DO?
12/23/2011
In the past 6 years of my marriage..we have been through some trying times. I have cheated on him, only to find that he has forgiven me for this mishap. Although, things lead up to the cause of me cheating on him. Last December I was joking with him and called him a scrooge and he reached over and opened the Semi-truck door and told me to get out in the middle of Georgia. I had 40 dollars in my pocket and no jacket and I was wearing flip flops. I was really mad at him for putting me out on the side of the interstate. However, he didnt leave me, just made me walk half a mile before he decided to pick me up..I did everything for this man, his laundry, the kids, cook and carry his plate to him, and did all his paperwork for his business.His dispatcher got more Thank you's in one month than I did in a whole year. You could say I felt like I was being used and unappreciated. This made me very unhappy with him and myself and that is why I cheated. In my mind my marriage was over and I felt he didnt respect me at all. Now, his business has fell apart and he is in another job, although, we have to relocate to a new state. The stress and money thing has really taken its toll on our marriage and I still am not to sure he loves me like he used to. We had the first 3 amazing years in our marriage, never having a argument. (this is very true). But the last two years have been a total hell. I love my husband and this is why I have chosen to do the Love Dare on him without him knowing. My hope is that he will see the change in me and want to follow in my footsteps. I am handing myself over to God and this includes my marriage as well. I will be journaling my progress with the Love Dare starting January 1st, 2012!
Kristie
12/22/2011
Been married about a year and a half. Sunday morning walking out the door to go to church he says "I've never loved you....." What?!!! My heart just ripped right open how could he say this it cant be true "I was lying the entire time it was all a lie." He married me because of our son.... What about all those love letters, times of laughter,long walks sure we've had our issues but to "Never" have loved me dont know what to do right now need an encouraging word now we have two babies the newest isnt even 2 months old... I feel like I could just die........I need a miracle this Christmas God please help me...
12/20/2011
I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years now. In that 9 years we have been through our share of "the good & the bad" times. I love him unconditionally as does he with me. We are more in love today then we were the day we met. He honestly is the best part of my life. I do not doubt that he feels the same for me as he shows me on a daily basis. The problem we has is a lack of commitment. He has no interest in getting married anytime soon, I on the other hand am ready for us to take that next step because we already live the life style of a married couple. I have tried to talk to him about the way that I feel about marriage and wanting us to go to that level, but he always says "one day". Kinda of worried that "One Day" will never come :( struggling to decide wether or not to hold on to a relationship that may never be anything more than what it is.a
Mandy
12/14/2011
i know that i love him.... that is for sure... and he loves me back...
but he is not ready to be completely faithful to a marriage life...
he still wants to go out without having to tell me where he is.... he wants to be able to talk to woman without telling me...
he basically wants freedoom... i give him freedom but then he lies about things....
and i do not appreciate being lied to, it hurts me because im trying my very best to change.... so here i am, tryna work this out if there is any left to be work for....
he loves me but he is not willing to give what it takes for happines together...
i dont care him going to bars i know he is faithfull , i care the time wasted there... he does not get enough with an hour... if possible he stays there 4 hours! while im home waiting.....
with out a ... im sorry... im late .. ill be there soon... =(
is this me being childish or im not being respected as i think???
LORD HELP ME!!! I acept this 40 days challenge.... =) I hope that you LORD overcome in any storm!!!!! i Love you Jesus!!!
12/14/11
maria
12/11/2011
I have only been married now for two months and we are both ready to walk away. Ever since we got married he has shut down totally. I've tried to talk to him and all it seems to do is go to arguements and accusations. I really want my marriage to work and I don't know if love dare will work for my marriage but I have to at least try it and see. My problems aren't like the ones in the movie so I hope this covers all problems.
12/10/2011
I have been unfaithfull to my partner during our relationship of 5yrs. I have cheated on her 4times and each time, we still find ourselfs (us) together. Just a about a month ago, she had told me she is tired and no longer wants to be in this relationship. As a man, she had told me before she is getting tired and will move on if I don't change. Ofcourse, I didn't listen. I was to naive! A good friend of mine introduced me to a book called "FireProof". After reading this book, I now know what I have to do! It open my eye's about dealing with problems within a relationship. It also teaches you how to love someone unconditionally with God. I have asked her for forgiveness but it doesnt seem shes going to take me back at this moment. I do believe in this story that God can fix what has been broken. You have to believe in it and not give up hope. I haven't... Today I'm visiting my priest for confession to clean me of my sins so that I may start over fresh in this relationship. My therapist says to close one relationship before going into the next. For all those out there, do it for yourself to completely move on before starting another. The chance of infidelity is high because your trying to find in each person the one thing you lost from the past. Babe, I mess you, I messed up. I'm changing into a new person with God by my side. Please forgive me for all my mistakes and allow me to show you what God has given me.
yours unconditionally,
Francisco
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